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The Cuffing Season Ladies Manual: Part One – The Draft

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Ahhhhhhhh…

Tis the season…

The Cuffing Season.  Yes, I know what you’re thinking. WTH is this “Cuffing Season” I’ve been tweeting and Facebooking about the last month or so?!?!?!?  I thought the same thing when I first heard the term used in the wild.  (And in case you’re wondering, the wild is in fact, The Twitter, and to a lesser extent, other social media sites).  But the more I heard the term, and read the insanity that followed on my timeline, it grew on me.

Menz and wemenz all over come together via social networks, random Skype calls, Facebook inboxes, etc. for the purpose of hugging up and keeping warm during those cold, lonely winter months. Yes, The Jump-off Season of summer is now over.

But in all the research I’ve done on Cuffing Season etiquette, I’ve only been able to find posts skewed at the fellas.  You may think this is because the ladies don’t do any cuffing season scouting, but you would be WRONG. So very wrong.  The unfortunate misconception is that we ladies are content to just get picked for a team, any team, in what amounts to the social network equivalent of a dodge-ball game disguised as love.

THEY want you to believe that empty DM boxes mean you weren’t running your routes correctly at the scouting combines and now you’ve been found wanting.  SMH. NO, ma’am. Do not be content with this sidelining. You, ma’am, can pick up your own damn team and win the season!

Now, let’s break this down for those of you who are not hip to the rules of The Cuffing Season. When you know better, you do better. Let’s get to the meat of it…

The season begins with the approaching of Labor Day weekend.  The crisp fall air is making its way into your life.  You wake up one morning and there’s a chill in the air. Yes, the scouting combines usually begin Labor Day weekend, the last unofficial weekend of summer.  This is a great time to start your combines because the air hasn’t completely cooled yet. You can still show off in your bikinis or your mini-skirts one more time before you pack them away and trade them for corduroys and cute li’l cardigans.  This is the last hoorah for the men to be able to give YOU the once over, but don’t forget that THEY are not the only ones scouting!

Now, there are many positions you can draft for your team depending on your needs this season, but the ones that I think are most important are the following 3:

The QB: Yes. Yes Yes YES!!! Every team needs a great quarterback; the one who motivates and guides the team to victory at every game. The quarterback is that guy who throws the ball right into your sweet-spot on every single play. On every date the conversation is perfect, he opens your door, pulls out your seat, the whole nine. Now, a GOOD quarterback is tough to find. Of course, no one is perfect but he should at least be able to give you dates worth telling your girlfriends about and show a strong presence in the bedroom (more on that later in the “What That Mouf Do: Advanced Cuff Tactics post that’s in the works). Now, he should also be handsome.  Him being drop-dead FINE is preferable but hey… this is Philly… you already know…

The Wide Receiver: Every woman needs a wide receiver. EVERY. WOMAN. Why? Because this is the guy who is your clutch player, he WILL run that ball in for a touchdown when it counts.  He’s the explosive player and not easily tamed on the field.  His wild antics may sometimes be a little unnerving, but in the end he is a game winner.  Make sure he is catching what you’re throwin’ at him tho, ladies.  If he is dropping too many passes, he is NOT the one to draft.  In other words, if there are too many missed opportunities when you send that 2AM text, if there are too many times that you get together and that convo falls flat… NO. He has no potential to eem TRY to get that promotion to QB. Just cut him from the team and draft a new prospect. Or you could keep him on the team and hold him come draft time at New Year’s… more on that in the “Cuffing Season: Trades” upcoming post…

The Special Teams player:  This guy is invaluable. He can play the first two positions if needed and just about any other one you can think of. He is a special team in his own rite. This is the man who sends those good morning texts you didn’t realize that you missed seeing on your Android screen every morning. He’s the one who you tend to overlook in favor of the QB and the Wide Receiver, but he should NOT be slept on. He is coming for that number one spot and if he makes it through the trades, and is managed and coached PROPERLY, can learn to play the QB position and you are now watching the other teams’ games from the sidelines. Yes. He could very well end up as that dude, if you can get passed the flash and pomp of the QB and WR positions and somehow see the potential in this true team player. He could one day be a star…

So there… I hope you have learned something in Part One of my Cuffing Season Ladies Manual.  Pass it on to the fellas too. They should read it. They need to understand their positions… and play them accordingly.

Now go.  Build your team. Your Fantasy Team ain’t fuckin with mine tho…

;o)

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About the Author: Diva Bleu (157 Posts)

Diva Bleu is the CEO of Bleu Media LLC, a social media company in Philadelphia, PA. She has written for Helium.com and had her pieces featured on UrbanPolitico.com, and currently contributes to sinuousmag.com. Having been a fixture in the Philadelphia music scene for over 20 years as a singer/songwriter and then venturing into the femcee circuit, she has the creative gene and knows how to use it. Currently, she is a podcaster and blogger at her own site, Diva's World.


  • S.Dot

    Bill Belichk making moves now this is a game plan and remember audibles at the line are cool and don’t hesitate to bench players that are not doing there job. Great work Diva

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    • http://ow.ly/8aE8i Diva B.

      Thank you, love! I still have more posts coming in the Cuffing Season manual!

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