I.  Loathe.  Brussels sprouts…

And I’m not the only one.  I find them to be an abomination to my taste buds and a horrible affront to the other tastier vegetables.  But do I believe that farmers shouldn’t have the right to GROW brussels sprouts? Ummmmmm… fuck no.  There are those out there who adore the little, round cuties and shove them down their beautiful gullets with willful abandon.  And they have every right to.  Who cares whether li’l ol’ Diva Bleu in Philly eats a brussels sprout, as long as people who adore them can have their fill?

What, pray tell, does this have to do with the issue of gay marriage?  Absolutely Ev. er. eeee. thang.  This is precisely the ignorant, backwards “logic” that people are applying to the issue of whether or not gay people should be “allowed” to marry.  Because YOU PERSONALLY AN INDIVIDUAL {just covering the bases… ;o) } dislike the thought of someone being gay, and you know, doing big gay things, you would deny a person basic HUMAN rights?  How?  Why???

Oh, we’re blaming it on the Bible now? Oh.  Well, that makes even LESS sense!!!

Today, the great (and CLEARLY bassackwards) state of North Carolina has, ahem, “struck down” gay marriage… whatever the hell that means.  No.  Wait.  We KNOW what that means; the majority of the voting public living in good ol’ NC are pretty much homophobes.  But again, W.H.Y.???  Were they all mass-raped by raging homos on Gay Pride day with large and wonderous sex toys, condemning them to develop an unhealthy dislike, nay, HATRED for gay people in general?  I know… I know.

That just CAN’T be it… but I can’t see anything short of that happening for people to get so up in arms about two people just wanting to get married…

But the pièce de résistance of this whole glorious clusterfuck?  POTUS President Barack Hussein Obama (did you like how I addressed him by his full, and entirely awesome FULL name and title?  I did… *shrug*) said today that he in fact SUPPORTS gay marriage!!!

*gasp*

Y’all thought it was over? Y’all thought Brian McKnight was just gon’ take that Best Week Ever award and go on about his business, huh?

Well you gon’ LEARN ta-DAY!!!

You gon’ learn how your pussy works ta-DAY!!! Not only was the single released on iTunes (no… i didn’t buy it… but right after I post this, i might just…), the official video was released on Funny or Die. And it is everything we hoped it would be, and yet even MORE than we could have dreamed!!! Oh. Don’t believe me? Welp, I’m just sayin, when you can incorporate a snarch puppet into your lesson plans? BRILLIANT.

Whether it is the most brilliant marketing ploy to stay relevant EVER, or the most amazing public meltdown in history remains to be seen. Either way, if this man releases his “adult mixtape” one thing is certain; Drake and R. Kelly may actually have competition… FROM BRIAN MCKNIGHT!

who knew…

learn something new?

Ahhhh…

Twitter has been responsible for some of my DEEPEST belly laughs over the last few years.  From last year’s infamous #StruggleAlfredo to the now infamous uproar that the Twitterverse created and got Mary J. Blige‘s Burger King ads pulled, Twitter never disappoints me when it comes to hilarity ensuing…

That is, until today. I mean, I dunno what to feel really. I woke up this morning to a FLOOD of tweets about Brian McKnight and knowing Twitter’s penchant for killing off famous folk, I assumed something had happened to him. Little did I know how much more insane the truth was…

Sooooo… some time last night, while I slept peacefully, Brian McKnight was hard at work sharing with the world his ideas on female gynecological functions. Yes. Brian McKnight. Mr. Do-I-Ever-Cross-Your-Mind… Mr. One-Last-Cry… wants to show me… how my pussy works.

I shit you not. He posted a video to YouTube detailing his idea for doing an, “adult mixtape,” (whatever the hell that means). Either way, he posted said video, not wearing a lab coat or the coonish-pimp attire of our more well known teachers of the twat arts, but in a grey and white striped tee and some oddly creepy looking denim shorts (they totally make me believe he yanked one out after he posted said vid…).

Soon after, the Twittersphere jumped into action posting some HILARIOUS roasts of the song, titled If You’re Ready To Learn. Welp, Mr. Back-At-One got a little aggro at his Tweeps and posted several tweets stating that it was just jokes and that he thought it was crazy the hoops he had to jump through for people to pay him any mind. Thank god for the person who stole this comedy gem and kept it going long enough to be thee absolute FUNNIEST thing I’ve seen in 2012 so far.  Sorry Burger King.

We’re listening now, Dr. McKnight. In fact, I have always HATED being examined by male gynos, but I’m starting to think that if a HOT one sang this to me as I waited for him to make sure my snatch was in proper working order, i might just give him a chance…

*shrug*

Anywho, if you missed it (and judging by Facebook, which is LIGHT YEARS behind Twitter these days, you did) here is Dr. McKnight’s ode to gynecological knowledge of carnal pleasures…

***UPDATE***

Sooooo… to even more muck things up, Brian called TMZ today to explain everything and blame it on his bum ankle.  I dunno, sir… I suspect a little crazy juice was involved as well, but see for yourself…

Trayvon Martin was shot and killed by George Zimmerman on February 26, 2012 at the age of 17 years old. He was unarmed.

So here is my first official Trayvon Martin post… Kind of. I’m still personally sorting out what happened and what this all really means to our society. I’m still trying EXTREMELY HARD to understand how shooting a CHILD (of ANY race) dead on the street can go UNINVESTIGATED and WITHOUT ARREST for 6 weeks in this country with all the attention given to the case. Not one time has this man been questioned again??? Who are these sadists who are finding some sort of peace in the fact that this man hasn’t had to pay a price for taking a life? We take life for granted in this country. I am an American, I am a taxpayer, a business woman and I feel. Below is what I first wrote as I formed my idea for a post about Trayvon:

[ORIGINALLY DRAFTED 2/22/12]:

OK… This is a tough one to write… First, I would feel completely insensitive to throw my two cents into the fray without first giving my sincere condolences to the family of Trayvon Martin. The pain of losing someone you love is absolutely heart-wrenching, but to see a boy of such a young age SENSELESSLY robbed of fulfilling his potential to become an amazing young MAN is the epitome of true heartbreak. I pray for their sanity, peace, and most of all, justice for Trayvon. For those of you that have been under a rock for the last month, I will not rehash all the bitter, angry details; that would not serve my purpose here, which is to deliver a dose of reality. If you would like to know what the details are, I suggest you start your research here. Once you do, I hope you realize why the mantra is so important. WE ARE TRAYVON MARTIN. In any and EVERY city throughout the country, née, the WORLD, these things happen regularly. It’s sickening to think that a CHILD could be murdered so publicly, in a “gated community” no less, and the murderer walks free in the world without being so much as brought in for serious questioning by the police department. A CHILD, armed only with a bag of Skittles and a bottle of iced tea. I have watched the news stories as they have gathered momentum, from circulated clips on various social networks to breaking coverage on CNN and other 24-hour news outlets. The fact that it could take so long to become a story, and even WORSE that it had to become a story at all, is tearing me apart as I type. I am not a mother, but this pain I can sympathize with no matter that detail. I ache for these parents and extended family because for 48 hours, Trayvon laid as a John Doe in a morgue. For two days, a family wondered and worried and waited. For a moment I strip race from it, and wish I could forever. I hope any reader who happens upon this post never has to feel being sick with worry over where your brother, cousin, or friend might be if unheard from for two whole days at the age of 17. And then to find out they have lain in a MORGUE, unclaimed and cold.

In that text I was still too shaken to write out fully my disdain for the way that people still hide and duck from racism in America. My mind is reeling from all the vitriolic hate and general ignorance I see in comments left on news website message boards. Now I realize the value of a hard-copy newspaper in the digital age; no ignorant, moronic rhetoric from average “Joes” who don’t take time to actually research the regurgitated words they utter. A dangerous game.

Furthermore, I am ashamed of my Black people… YES, I’m talking to YOU!!! Are WE doing RIGHT??? Not just pointing out the people in our community we KNOW aren’t doing the right thing, but doing right OURSELVES??? By talking to the neighbors? By saying hello, offering to help carry their groceries? Helping out the older people around you and gaining their wisdom and guidance, we will start to end these lunatic cycles of stupidity. If you actually CARE about the person living next to you in some small way, ADMIRE something about them whether it’s the way they keep their flowers in the yard or the way they bake a good banana bread, you would be less inclined to see something bad happen to them, and vice versa…

In that spirit, here is video I took of a rally held here in Philadelphia at Love Park on March 29, 2012, organized by my friends, Khalid Moffitt and Duchess Arrita Robinson of the Philadelphia Chapter of the NAACP. The speakers really drove home some amazing points. I didn’t edit the video before I put it on YouTube because A) I didn’t have time, LOL! & B) I honestly like the rawness. I don’t want it doctored. Here is the call to action (although my phone battery died on the last 20 minutes or so, I got a good portion) and some great words spoken about how YOU should take action in your own communities. This is the way we take back our power, America.

*I have another small piece I shot, but I think I will save it for when I do get the chance to edit it…  Please pass it on and be inspired to elicit growth in your neighborhood. Barack has given us Hope, but we must all be the Change we want to see!!!

namaste, my damies.

In fact, the reactions I received when I posted my thoughts in one of my Facebook groups proves just that. What, you may ask, am I referring to? Why, the awesomeness of dating in your 30′s, of course!

OK, now before I go any further, let me just say that I was a serial monogamist not too long ago. It was to my detriment and I have since learned that DATING is the answer… Unfortunately for ladies being a serial dater isn’t as socially acceptable as it is for men, but I will be posting more on that later…

Anywho, The point of this particular post is for me to wax poetic on the joys of being over 30, being in the world and actually LOVING it!!!

When I was in my 20′s, I was insane. I mean, it was mostly the good kind; energetic, full of random ideas and projects, vulnerable to a fault and as sassy as I could be (most of this actually still applies). The difference I see is that in my 30′s, I have become more focused and because of it I have found ways to pull all those random ideas into a solid plan of action. I have channeled that energy into doing things that are more productive. My vulnerabilities have become a badge of honor, the best part of who I am because I no longer see them as a liability.

How many of us thought that by 26 or 27 we would be college grads, engaged or married to our high school or college sweetheart, working some amazing job and being the envy of all those in high school who said you would never amount to anything? *raises hand and looks around the room*

That’s the American Dream, isn’t it? Aren’t we all groomed to believe that your 20′s are this magical world where anything can (and WILL) happen? Well, I contend that our 20′s ARE magical, just not for the reasons we believe. To me, it’s like an extension of your teens; you’re still defiant and believe that nothing bad will happen to you. You still have a lot of playful spirit, you just gain the independence that you craved and fought for (remember saying, “I HATE YOU [insert guardian's name here]!!! I can’t WAIT to get OUT OF HERE!!!”) once you turned about 14 or 15…  The problem is, with this freedom comes the wild abandon of not being so discerning in the choices you make. So many of us just find one person and fixate on them without fully understanding WHY we make that choice. We fall in love and it’s like we’re finding love in a hopeless place…

The fantasy of being at the top of your life and it all being downhill from 30 also looms in the background, taunting you. theeeennnnn… BAM!!!

You’ve reached the 30′s… And if you don’t feel like it is the most amazing time of your life, you should just go ahead and become a sloth right now because you’re missing the point. With age comes maturity and wisdom, or at least it should. I can’t say that I didn’t make some inglorious mistakes all throughout my lifetime, but it’s the growth that came from it that makes me the content 30-something that I am. That being said, I believe that makes me a better DATER. Why? Because I’ve only really DATED sparsely, otherwise I was in long-term relationships (LTRs). Don’t get me wrong, that’s AWESOME. LTRs are GREAT, when you actually know what you’re doing, LOL! I was clueless about what I wanted when I was younger. To be honest, there are still things I’m not sure about but that’s the beauty of dating when you’re more mature; when you realize that you are really at the beginning of your journey and not the end, you can somehow focus and broaden your opportunities at the same time.

Now, I have the benefit of knowing that:

1. You can date without being labeled a slore… Well, this may be debatable depending on how many people you chose to see at once but, the point of dating is that you don’t have to make the commitment of giving anyone a ride in your Mercedes while wearing your raspberry beret… but you don’t hear me tho… ;o)
2. Dating is meant for you to get to know what it is you really like! Since I was a serial monogamist in my former life, I didn’t truly have the benefit of using my 20′s as the social smorgasbord it’s meant to be. Now I’m more open to the possibilities. You should be too.
3. Being more focused on your goals and pushing yourself to be better makes you infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex… (BUT PLEASE, do whatever it is that you do for YOU and NOT to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex!!!)
4. Love the possibilities. This SHOULD be self explanatory but just in case… You should realize that this is the time of your life where you have the benefit of your 30 years of wisdom to guide you into the right direction. Learn from old situations and be open to new ones. It’s easy to become miserable and mired down with all the clusterfcuk around us, but when we do that we  miss the little things. That alone SHOULD make you happy and excited about what’s to come!

Ok… So that’s how I see it. I have a few more in me but I felt the need to post this one first…

Thanks for your time.

I. Can’t Right. Now…

This one has torn me into little tiny unhealthy pieces…

It is now reported that Whitney Houston, the GREATEST recording artist of my time, has passed away…

I am speechless.

As I try to find info on TMZ about her death, it seems the site has crashed, which is no surprise at all. I pray so hard for her family, especially her mother and Bobbi Kristina who has recently been in the news for allegations of drug use herself.

According to TMZ, paramedics performed CPR but it did not work and she was pronounced dead at 3:55 PM.

This is a HARD ONE FOR ME because my two reasons for singing in my life were Whitney Houston and my mother (God rest her soul). And now, my two most influential music icons are gone. I pray for her family and friends, this is a SERIOUS blow to the music community. Wow.

Y’all may have been fine about the last post… Maybe not so much with this one. I don’t know how I feel about that, but that’s another post altogether. I’m going to give my opinion anyway, because, after all, that’s what I do.

I don’t understand what in thee sweet and sour fcuk Common is doing right now. I just don’t. Can one of you PLEASE explain???

On the very day we were graced with the presence of Li’l Princess Blue Ivy, my Twitter timeline was all abuzz (besides all the baby news) of a beef-a-broiling between Common Sense and… *cough* …Drake.

I was pissed. I immediately thought the young bull had got at Common in some sort of parallel universe where monotone crooning in a staccato fashion is somehow referred to as emceeing (which I have always known Common to do even with follies along the way as everyone with a long career has had).

But that’s because quite frankly, I hadn’t really LISTENED to his most recent effort, The Dreamer/The Believer. Sure, I have HEARD the album but I honestly have conditioned myself to not listen to lyrics and just hear the beat. SMH. I blame Li’l Wayne and that fiasco Li’l B… Pretty much ANY RAPPER whose name begins with Li’l over the age of 10, but that’s another post too…

So that day I went avidly searching for the song that started it all, Sweet... I found the video on YouTube…

My eyes cried. My ears bled. WTF WAS THIS MESS???

Now, I’ll admit I haven’t been up on my Hip-Hop Beef in the past few months. I’ve been busy doing real life things so I apologize… But I was THOROUGHLY insulted by the sham that Common paraded in front of me calling it Hip Hop.

You didn’t look “hard” or “gangsta” Common. Not at all. Now let’s be clear, I’m well aware that Com Sense didn’t start his career as the über conscious emcee we have become accustomed to, and that’s duly noted. However, that is the catch 22 of Hip Hop – growing up, maturing and branching out while still somehow remaining relevant enough to be backed by your label with as much marketing fire-power as they can muster. You have to remain viable among all the “Li’l” dudes and dudettes…

Common failed that test on the track. I don’t care what you say. He is NOT that dude anymore; all the cussing and extra ridiculous… Please, son. Save it.

I don’t know how he got into this, but I don’t think it’s going to help his career to get into this further and if it does, it just proves the impending death of Hip Hop as I have come to love it. Now, it seems that you can just call out any other musician in any other genre and use it as a stepping stone, nevermind if you’ve been accused of the EXACT same offenses that you hurl at the people you are railing against (see The Light and Come Close).

I remember when the running joke was, “are your eyes still green, girl?” SMH, now we are aiming our attentions at a rapper who never claimed to be hard or gangsta. He just wanted to make little ditties about love and moscato…

Oh… Common… Please check yourself, sir.

Check out Common’s video, Drake’s response and then Common’s response now…

"Are you not entertained???"

Y’all already know how I feel about Jay-Z and Beyonce. I’m not even gonna start in on that part of this convo because I can’t deal with the STANS all up in my inbox, all up in my Twitter mentions, all up in my whole entire life…

Before y’all start throwing around “baby hater” accusations, let me be clear. My issue is not with the little bundle of money joy they just had. I truly pray for them to be good parents, able to raise their child to be very level-headed, kind and intelligent despite the fame and infamy she was born into. Little Princes Blue Ivy Carter is the Kizzy (see: Roots, uninformed folk in the shadows and under rocks…) of the Black entertainment machine now and that’s pretty awesome, I guess… *shrug*

Where I take the most umbrage is with the STANS.

Shit. There goes my hopes of not being bombarded with STANISM in my interweb world…

Seriously, I just wanna know: WHY does this baby mean SO MUCH to YOU??? I get it… “Beyonce-is-a-great-artist-who-can-do-no-wrong-just-like-her-husband-Jay-Z-so-therefore-anything-connected-to-them-most-especially-their-offspring-is-destined-to-be-our-savior-forever-and-ever-amen-blah-blah-blah…”

Please. Save it.

I have never been, and will never BE, a STAN. I have too much awesomeness going on in my world to be so enthralled with the birth of another negro’s child that isn’t mine or born somewhere within the confines of my illustrious bloodline. Hell, 90% of the STANS have their OWN children they don’t give two sweet and sour fcuks about but will lose their damn minds over someone who knows nothing about them (nor do they CARE) having a baby… Again, what is the logic???

There are far more important things to concern yourself with… But no. BeyJay had a baby. THAT is the all consuming news of the day. But your baby got 3 F’s in school and you still sit that little ninja in front of the TV every night or let them play Playstation until they OD and it’s all good, right??? Got your little girls shakin’ their booties to “Single Ladies” and your son can quote Jay-Z word for friggin WORD but can’t do his homework…

Please. Save it.

And NOW y’all are all up an THROUGH the interwebs with “news” that Jay-Z made a song about his 10-minute-old baby. Whatever. This is the most TRANSPARENT publicity stunt in forever and y’all are eating it thee fcuk up. Go write YOUR baby a song. Then we’ll talk. Where is the song about his son? There isn’t one? Oh. My bad. Poor little Blue Ivy Carter. That therapy bill is gonna be a MESS.

But you know… Carry on with your madness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with connecting with your favorite artists when you are being ENTERTAINED by them. But come on. They had a baby. Good for THEM. Now go sit YOUR ass down with your own damn kids and stop it. Your ignance is most certainly showing.

Time for rapper Mad Skillz out of VA to bring us his much-anticipated version of the wrap-up of the previous year, his annual Rap Up song. He’s been at it for years and it’s long been a jewel that we in the Hip Hop community await as an unofficial beginning to the year ahead. You can download the song from iTunes and rock out to it for the next 364 days (it’s a Leap Year, remember?)

Also jumping into the Rap-Up fray this year is Bekay, a Slaughterhouse member and generally wild-out white rapper… His version touched on many of the same subjects as Skillz  (Anthony Weiner, Casey Anthony, Penn State) including just a bit more elaboration on a few others…

I am definitely feeling Skillz version better, although Bekay’s version pointed out to me the lack of clever turns of phrase in Skills’ version… I dunno, I hear there are even more 2011 Rap-Up knock-offs out there so I guess time will tell who’s really is better. Being as though Skills is the father of the year in review rhymes, though, I doubt he’ll be unseated in the next 53 weeks… (it’s a Leap Year, remember???)

Download Skillz’s version on iTunes…

Bekay – 2011 Year In Review – download the mp3 here.

So… There you have it… Who do you think gave us the best Rap Up?

Welcome to The New You!

I have taken to using the new year greeting Happy New You over the last few years because I feel it is so fitting of what the change of the year SHOULD be about, bettering yourself and becoming a happier new you.

In the last few years we’ve seen so many things that we never thought we would: Barack Obama as the first Black President of the U.S., the tsunami in Japan, the tragic events on the Gulf Coast, Casey Anthony, Jerry Sandusky,  the death of Michael Jackson, the death of Steve Jobs, earthquakes in Haiti, Asia and even in Philadelphia, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods…

In the midst of all these things, I wonder how many of us really pay attention to how what we do affects life around us. The Butterfly Effect.  When I think of how that relates to everything we’ve seen over the last few years, it seems simple to me how all of this is connected; each action creating another action.

Becoming a better person isn’t just about the usual “resolutions” people make when 12AM hits. I am a firm believer in setting real, attainable goals instead of fleeting, grand gestures that are often out of reach. I think it’s about the smaller things; laughing more, being a better listener, getting closer to your family and friends, giving more time and resources to charity, becoming a mentor, volunteering in your community…

When we relegate our goals only to losing 30 pounds in the month of January or finding a new relationship and getting married by 2013, we limit our view of being a better person only to the  things that we can do for ourselves and lose our power and the ability to change the world around us in the process.

I’m not saying I haven’t written some goals into my 2012 manifesto that don’t include taking stock of my love life, my health or my finances, I’m just saying that I also included very attainable and extremely satisfying ideals of doing some volunteer work, creating a non-profit, spending more time with loved ones, and many more things I can do to help the people in my immediate cypher that will ripple out to affect others in ways my heart and mind cannot yet fathom in the wee hours of 2012…

So, what are your goals? What do you plan to do in 2012 to make this a Happy New You?